As someone who has followed your work for a good part of my adult life, I can say I hope you know how much your voice lights up our universe. Wishing you light in any darkness. 💜
There's too much to say in response except that in one of my own moments of darkness, I reached the same conclusion you did. And I'm flooded with shame to admit that I've been finding it hard - well nigh impossible- to bring my difficult mother the unconditional love she deserves as she moves through her first year of Alzheimers's. One of the reasons she's so difficult is that she lacks even a fraction of the self awareness and insight you showed even as a boy. I'm so sorry you lost your dad so young. You give us so much to think and care about. I'd love to meet up for a bird walk if ever you feel up for it.
Hey Josh, so glad to hear that you have some days that feel better than the darker ones. Whatever you can find that helps you to trust that you do come through the difficulties is key, seems to me. And I’m (along with everyone who knows you) so glad that you do. The human condition - wow, what a ride. YOU help us all by sharing yours with us. Thank you for your courage. 🪬🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, Josh. I've lived with depression for the majority of my adult life and it's not easy to get up and go some days, let alone put on an outwardly bright face and talk for hours. I tend to draw inward, as well, and I've had to learn that it's much better to reach out. There are so many unique and special people in this world, many of whom we'd never expect to cross our paths. They offer so much hope and joy in their existence and let us know we do mean something.
hi Josh, thanks for writing - I am in continued awe of your ability to say what's true. I'm in my mid 50s newly living with my medicated, mentally ill mother. Humor has been key, always. I also get through bouts of depression by thinking of the Hannah and Her Sisters scene with the Marx Brothers film. Many years ago, from 1991 to 1999, I was a swingshift word processing operator (Wang WP Plus -> WordPerfect -> Microsoft Word) at a law firm in downtown SF. Our department had 10 people working in three overlapping, round-the-clock shifts. We were artists, writers, a playwright, a student, gay men (all three died, two of AIDS and one who was HIV+ of suicide, less than a year before the drug cocktails came out), lesbians, bisexuals, heteros, a jazz musician, a stage costumer, a slam poet, and a Latvian houseboat dweller. Someone found and circulated a copy of Confessions of a Male Secretary. I still have my xerox of it. Again - thank you.
Thank you so much for all of your insights into yourself and at the same time, into many of us. You are brave and wonderful to share yourself. And you are an excellent and articulate storyteller and writer. I am grateful that you are in my life through this writing and through the times I have been able to attend your events in person and on Zoom. I am also deeply grateful that you have introduced me to your very special wife, Sara. Hugs to both of you.
And Eva. It’s been two years since February for Eva. And only one year since March for Bunny. Still very close in time. Last Feb I cleared the wash hts abode. Most of the things are in storage now. Maybe I should write a blog about that. Thinking about what to title that blog is a humorous take on it. I thought I was finally moving out of the city when I decided to store most of the things.
Thank you for everything you share. I read one a few months ago that Edie was in and a horrid babysitter.
I also read about your liquid diet. I wonder if significant weight loss could exacerbate or trigger relapse or initial depression bc there’s a lot that the extra weight was covering up that’s now exposed. And it just could be a general rawness. Whatever it is I’m so glad you reached out. I really think it must the the bodaybroncardh up wirh enough by.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing this blog. I’m not sure if I’m keeping up with it;, but when I get and tune in to your updates it’s mostly language that’s very familiar. Funny how there must be a shared dialect between our two groups of families.
I’ve admired your work for decades, Josh. This piece is especially tender and insightful.
What is it about the gradual slope of our lives that make each day wonder-filled? Could we be different or better if we just simply tried harder? I doubt it.
A writer I know, who is our age, is working on his autobiography. He's been at it for 20 years. A well known music critic who has experienced things I only dream of, he grew up questioning his mother’s love. He is trying to extract the meaning of lifelong depression and sadness over her death when he was an adolescent. Is he unlovable or unloved? Not at all. But he’ll never stop searching for the answer and his book may never be finished.
Thank you for your honesty. It helps me understand that we are all on a personal quest for understanding.
My family and yours are utterly different in many ways; I don't think my mother ever even knew a Communist or other leftist, just to head the list (my father was more adventurous...). Even so, the tracking of how people feel and interact over decades has similar threads, albeit in different ways.
As someone who has followed your work for a good part of my adult life, I can say I hope you know how much your voice lights up our universe. Wishing you light in any darkness. 💜
These posts, especially this one are so helpful for me right now. 🙏🍞🌳❤🌈
Me too. I'm here if you'd like to chat. ❤️
There's too much to say in response except that in one of my own moments of darkness, I reached the same conclusion you did. And I'm flooded with shame to admit that I've been finding it hard - well nigh impossible- to bring my difficult mother the unconditional love she deserves as she moves through her first year of Alzheimers's. One of the reasons she's so difficult is that she lacks even a fraction of the self awareness and insight you showed even as a boy. I'm so sorry you lost your dad so young. You give us so much to think and care about. I'd love to meet up for a bird walk if ever you feel up for it.
Hey Josh, so glad to hear that you have some days that feel better than the darker ones. Whatever you can find that helps you to trust that you do come through the difficulties is key, seems to me. And I’m (along with everyone who knows you) so glad that you do. The human condition - wow, what a ride. YOU help us all by sharing yours with us. Thank you for your courage. 🪬🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, Josh. I've lived with depression for the majority of my adult life and it's not easy to get up and go some days, let alone put on an outwardly bright face and talk for hours. I tend to draw inward, as well, and I've had to learn that it's much better to reach out. There are so many unique and special people in this world, many of whom we'd never expect to cross our paths. They offer so much hope and joy in their existence and let us know we do mean something.
hi Josh, thanks for writing - I am in continued awe of your ability to say what's true. I'm in my mid 50s newly living with my medicated, mentally ill mother. Humor has been key, always. I also get through bouts of depression by thinking of the Hannah and Her Sisters scene with the Marx Brothers film. Many years ago, from 1991 to 1999, I was a swingshift word processing operator (Wang WP Plus -> WordPerfect -> Microsoft Word) at a law firm in downtown SF. Our department had 10 people working in three overlapping, round-the-clock shifts. We were artists, writers, a playwright, a student, gay men (all three died, two of AIDS and one who was HIV+ of suicide, less than a year before the drug cocktails came out), lesbians, bisexuals, heteros, a jazz musician, a stage costumer, a slam poet, and a Latvian houseboat dweller. Someone found and circulated a copy of Confessions of a Male Secretary. I still have my xerox of it. Again - thank you.
You express yourself with such tenderness and sincerity. Extraordinary.
Thank you so much for all of your insights into yourself and at the same time, into many of us. You are brave and wonderful to share yourself. And you are an excellent and articulate storyteller and writer. I am grateful that you are in my life through this writing and through the times I have been able to attend your events in person and on Zoom. I am also deeply grateful that you have introduced me to your very special wife, Sara. Hugs to both of you.
Hi Josh,
I miss Bunny too. A LOT.
And Eva. It’s been two years since February for Eva. And only one year since March for Bunny. Still very close in time. Last Feb I cleared the wash hts abode. Most of the things are in storage now. Maybe I should write a blog about that. Thinking about what to title that blog is a humorous take on it. I thought I was finally moving out of the city when I decided to store most of the things.
Thank you for everything you share. I read one a few months ago that Edie was in and a horrid babysitter.
I also read about your liquid diet. I wonder if significant weight loss could exacerbate or trigger relapse or initial depression bc there’s a lot that the extra weight was covering up that’s now exposed. And it just could be a general rawness. Whatever it is I’m so glad you reached out. I really think it must the the bodaybroncardh up wirh enough by.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing this blog. I’m not sure if I’m keeping up with it;, but when I get and tune in to your updates it’s mostly language that’s very familiar. Funny how there must be a shared dialect between our two groups of families.
I’ve admired your work for decades, Josh. This piece is especially tender and insightful.
What is it about the gradual slope of our lives that make each day wonder-filled? Could we be different or better if we just simply tried harder? I doubt it.
A writer I know, who is our age, is working on his autobiography. He's been at it for 20 years. A well known music critic who has experienced things I only dream of, he grew up questioning his mother’s love. He is trying to extract the meaning of lifelong depression and sadness over her death when he was an adolescent. Is he unlovable or unloved? Not at all. But he’ll never stop searching for the answer and his book may never be finished.
Thank you for your honesty. It helps me understand that we are all on a personal quest for understanding.
Love the post. It's so easy to be withdrawn. Also, the photo is PERFECTION! Kudos to Sara. Mafe my day.
Thank you so much for posting, Josh.
My family and yours are utterly different in many ways; I don't think my mother ever even knew a Communist or other leftist, just to head the list (my father was more adventurous...). Even so, the tracking of how people feel and interact over decades has similar threads, albeit in different ways.
Thanks for posting this deeply complex and illuminating message. Sending big bear-hugs from San igel de Allende, MX